How do you work with people long distance if you are on the West Coast (California) and we are not?
Many of our clients are from different places around the country, in Canada, and in other parts of the world. We most often work through a video-conferencing program such as Skype or Google Hangout, and we can do phone sessions if you like. We prefer to see one another, having found it strengthens the connection.
We’ve been to Marriage Counselors before and it just hasn’t helped. How do we know that this will be different?
As we’ve stated on our Home page, we both have ADHD. Nancie has the Inattentive type and Steve has the Combined type (Impulsive/Hyperactive and Inattentive), so we know what living with ADHD symptoms is like.
In our marriage, Steve is considered to be the ADHD partner, and Nancie is considered to be the Non-ADHD partner. We have been through our challenges with each other, so we can empathize with both of you. We had to do our share of hard work to come out on the other side of the common issues that ADHD couples are so often contending with.
We really get it when our clients complain of the lack of focus, distractions, procrastination, time management, mood changes, and feelings of frustration, distress and hurt, that come along with being on both sides of this partnership. We’ve done our best to work with all of these, for ourselves and our clients.
We bring years of experience to our work with you. And we see our mission as helping ADHD couples to find a loving and healthy partnership again.
What might we expect a healthy partnership to look like?
- A loving, caring, and respectful attitude toward each other.
- Respect for one’s own and each other’s boundaries.
- Anger is expressed in a healthy way without verbal or physical abuse, talking down to, ignoring, or taking the other for granted.
- Each person can express what they feel and think and when done, know that their partner has heard and understands them, whether or not they agree.
- Each partner is genuinely happy for the other’s progress and gains.
- Together they divide up household chores keeping in mind who is best suited to perform a particular activity.
- Each is patient and compassionate with the other, leaning toward the side of being helpful rather than “tough loving” it out.
- Both adults in the relationship know that they each have significant inner healing to do, and outward behaviors to change in order for the relationship to really improve.
- The ADHD partner diligently works toward improving their daily performance in areas from taking medication/supplements consistently, arriving on time, avoiding distractions, etc… and is improving communication and empathy skills, among others.
- The non-ADHD partner diligently works toward releasing and healing any residual anger and disappointment, and let’s go of any ongoing blame that may be present. It becomes important and easier to evaluate their ADHD partners current behaviors when staying in the present moment, rather than revisiting the challenges ADHD may have brought to them both in the past.